Why I Was Thrilled That my Client Left Angry
Serve your clients fearlessly. Let them be mad at you.
I was in conversation with one of my health coaching clients yesterday, and she was telling me about how one of her clients was really upsetting her. He was cancelling their sessions last minute, not doing what he agreed to do between, and was unsatisfied with the results he was creating. She was frustrated and didn’t know what to do.
After listening to my client share what was going on for her, I asked, “Do I have permission to challenge you on that? I’m going to really challenge you hard.”
Nervously she answered, “Umm… okay.”
(I have agreements with each of my clients that I am there to serve them, not to please them. So I already knew I had permission, but I always ask anyway. Checking in just builds more trust.)
Then I shared, “You’re angry at your client because he is your mirror. He is doing to you what you are doing to yourself in our work.”
There were a few moments of silence before she cautiously asked, “What do you mean?”
“You share each week with me how you need to recommit. Get focused. You’re showing up, but half-assed. Running in and running out and not following through on what you say you will each week. Your client is not pissing you off. You’re pissing yourself off. Your client is just mirroring it to you. You should thank him.”
Silence. I waited, and waited. (A little nervously myself, to be honest. It always feels a little challenging to challenge your clients. Do it anyway.)
“Oh my god. You’re right,” she said. “I created this. If I hold myself more accountable and I’m more committed, he will be, too.”
We went on to discuss how to create more commitment in all of her client relationships through more powerful agreements and how to do less for her clients to serve them more powerfully.
Some of the things we discussed:
- Stop sending your clients ‘recap’ emails. Tell them to take their own notes.
- Stop holding your clients accountable. You’re not their babysitter. Instead, help them create commitment.
- When your clients show up late, don’t coach them. When they cancel sessions last minute, don’t reschedule them.
Serve your clients fearlessly. Let them be mad at you. Your clients aren’t paying you to be their friend. They’re paying you to help them create magic in their lives. They’re paying you to help them get out of their own way.
And they have enough friends buying into their stories.
Fearless coaching is about holding nothing back. Check in during your next session. Pause for a few moments. Ask yourself, “What am I not saying?”
Then say it. Fearless coaching is not about coaching without fear. It’s acting in spite of the presence of fear.
Fearless coaching is one of the areas we explore deeply in my ten-month Weightless (Health) Coaching program. If you want to experience and learn how to coach fearlessly, connect with me to schedule a fearless coaching conversation (I double dog dare you ;)).
And if you know another health coach who this story would serve, please share it with them. As the ultimate coach, Steve Hardison says, “Don’t be so stingy. If it served you, share it.”